How to Build Your Self Worth

Building your self worth isn’t easy but it’s worth the effort. Self worth is the key to truly loving yourself, and the key to having healthy, long lasting relationships with people that treat you the way you deserve. When we feel like shit, we attract shit and we accept shit. We get stuck on a cycle of having our beliefs reinforced by what is going on around us and it feels impossible to break the cycle.

Sometimes we’ve settled for bare minimum for so long it feels normal and we start to believe that all relationships are like that. We listen to our friends and they complain about how lazy and unromantic their partners are and we think maybe what we have isn’t so bad…. And at least it’s better than being single…. But I need to remind you that just isn’t true. You can have a relationship based on reciprocity, where the person you are with prioritises you and the relationship, where you are both happy and deeply in love. But it has to start with loving yourself.

I believe building self worth is a two step process. Step one involves looking at your past and step two is about dealing with your present. So let’s get in to it so you can start right NOW to change your relationship with yourself so you can attract the love you deserve.

Step 1: No one is born with low self worth, let’s face it, toddlers are almost narcissistic in the way they believe the world revolves around them! But at some point along your journey, life happens, shit happens and those experiences and people chip away at yourself worth and make you feel not good enough.

You need to identify those people and those times and heal those wounds because you hold on to all the hurt and pain you experienced, especially as a child. Those subconscious beliefs and emotions are stored without context and until they are dealt with and processed, those feelings remain hidden within you. If you try and ignore them, at some point something reminiscent will bring it allllllll back to the surface in an explosion of emotion. And it ain’t pretty….

As a child you can’t rationalise or understand why people behave the way they do, you just internalise it’s because you’re not good enough. Then as an adult, you accept poor behaviour and it continues to strengthen the ‘I’m not good enough’ belief and you end up feeling that it’s all you deserve.

It’s time to take your head out of the sand and get comfortable with the uncomfortable because you can’t treat the symptoms until you’ve identified the wound.

Step 2: This is how we show up in the present. To raise your self worth you need to act like you’re worthy of more (even when you don’t feel it). You have to decide what your boundaries are, what behaviour is acceptable to you and maintain the boundary. Even when it hurts. Spend an hour writing down what your dream relationship looks and feels like, how the person shows up for you and treats you. That is your new bar and anyone who isn’t that, doesn’t deserve a seat at your table.

You have to keep the promises you make to yourself and show up for yourself every day. Get hobbies, hit the gym, spend time with friends and start living life. You never know when your last day is so don’t waste the time you have trapped by fear and self doubt. Celebrate all the wonderful things about you rather than assassinating your character. When you can do this, your self worth increases bit and bit until one day you realise YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. You stop needing validation from others and you realise you love yourself too much to allow negative energy in to your life. Detaching from anything that doesn’t serve your highest self becomes easier to walk away from. Maybe not pain free, but you learn how to ignore your emotions and put yourself and your needs above all else. If you’re not your best self, you can’t be the best partner, wife, mother, friend, sister…. (You get my point).

It isn’t easy, it doesn’t happen overnight but  it does happen. It’s in those small baby steps of taking action that build you up until you feel so un-fuckable with, nothing can stand in your way. You realise you want more, you’re worth more and you will get it. Life becomes happier, your confidence soars and you will notice the better you feel, the more you attract amazing things in to your life.

You can change your life, you can attract incredible love, you just have to remember the key to that….. is YOU.