Man, I feel like a woman … dating in my late 30s (with a kid)

Why does it seem that dating in your late 30s is harder for women than it is for men? Society (and some male friends, in my experience – I was called ‘damaged goods’) tells you that if you are a woman in your late 30s looking for love, then you are pretty much done for. You may as well just get a cat, shut the fuck up, and basically shut up shop. But fuck society (and those male friends).

As a 37-year-old woman with a child, dating has had its ups and downs. Personally, I don’t want any more children, hell, sometimes I’m not sure I should have had a child in the first place (but that’s a post for another time, and it’s NOT because I don’t love and treasure my child). But this narrows the playing field for me – men my age who haven’t had children, tend to want them, and even if I did want children, most men my age would likely want to have them with someone younger, with a more youthful face (and more eggs!).

By my own admission, I am immature for my age. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or not but it does mean that I am generally more attracted to younger men (who want children!). This has had its pitfalls but admittedly, it has been fun. Sometimes it feels like men my age and older, who’ve had kids and don’t want anymore (yay!) are ready for that quiet life (country walks with a dog, and a pub lunch). I’m not sure I’m quite ready for that life… so again, that narrows the playing field.

However, it’s not all bad. You learn so much about yourself through dating, you learn to set boundaries, yeah, you sometimes break them (we are all human) but I have a clearer picture of what it is I’m looking for. For example, I will not allow a man that I match with on a dating site to come straight to my house (ick!), I will not accept inconsistency (we all know the anxiety of waiting for THAT text message), and I do not want to ‘fix’ someone (this has been a pattern for me in the past).

I’ve dated the hot guy (and my god was he hot – I’m talking 6ft 5, smouldering eyes and muscly AF), I’ve dated the older runner guy who used running as therapy from his broken marriage that made him emotionally unavailable, the rich guy that wanted to take me to Marrakech after the first date, and the guy that I’d built a strong connection with on the apps and had a great date with (until I found out he wanted kids, FFS). But I’m so grateful for every date I’ve had because I’ve learnt something about myself each time. And do you know what? I’ve genuinely seen the beauty in each man I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with. They just weren’t my guy.

But I have faith. Whether it be at 37, 50, 75… or damn it if I never find my person, I’m gonna have fun trying. And if all else fails, I’ve made a pact with a close friend that we will get a house and grow old together if we don’t find them. And honestly, that is good enough for me.

I read an article the other day – it said that we can often feel like we are not good enough for someone and that’s why it doesn’t work out but maybe it’s because that person just can’t meet us at our level, and that really resonated.  

~ Written by resident blogger, Claire Spence